ok so these are the first two freestyles i did any suggestion on how I can improve?

please remember these are just rudimentary writings and no im not interested in hearing any racial bias

well im the one and only choker and im no joke, so let's go ahead and clear up the smoke, first of all im not the worst of all rappers, im not a hyphy snapper, i just happend to be in the right place, with the right pace and state of mind, giving my raps intelligent design, it's relavent cause im the only one like this, might this be right will see, I come to you live in mp3 or cd, so this is how it started,my raps departed from these actors raps and these beliefs that you have to be black cause its a sad fact most people expect respect to come from a check so inspect what you listen to real rap is unconditional, rap can come from anywhere thats liveable, so remember to be cirtical not liberal, im like a samurai and my swords lyrical, the way i rhyme to the beat is a miracle,


I have no intention for redemption, must I mention my intention to be a force greater than intercourse of course the force flows through me,theres nothing you can do to me you see im to strong to be wrong and to right to be tight, ideas tight like a virgin, I go into primal rage you'll need a surgeon, bullets go through ya I knew ya was a big mouth and a porsche of course test and me ill burn your cord got mad and take out the hoards in warcraft and when im finished it's gonna be a bloodbath, the after math minus a few bodies clickety click with my digital shotty godfather like gotti plotter like the unibombmer and don't think to bring your armour

their good, hit up the thread I made in the off topic forum man..

They seem kinda random. like, what are you talking about in any of them? they jump all over the place and don't make much sense:

bullets go through ya I knew ya was a big mouth and a porsche of course

whaaat?
might want to work on a little direction to your rhymes.

They seem kinda random. like, what are you talking about in any of them? they jump all over the place and don't make much sense:

bullets go through ya I knew ya was a big mouth and a porsche of course

whaaat?
might want to work on a little direction to your rhymes.

That would take time a freestyle is ment to flow without written things. If he thinks about what to say or what direction its going to go then its going to kill the flow (like lil wayne, how can you rap then pause for like 5 seconds and then come back.......lil wayne terrible flow).

But keep working on the freestyle and with practice you'll be better, I might do something like this but with some beats, I thought the freestyles you were talking about were audio. Made me get my Sony studio headphones for nothing man (your just lucky they were around my neck still)

Yeah, but that's the mark of a good freestyler. It rhymes, flows, and makes sense.
I'm giving him constructive criticism to be a good freestyler. Not their yet, but if you don't try, you'll never get there.

Also, lil wayne is great, you just have a bias for rap that's not old school-esque.
Upgrade U Freestyle? give it a listen, and tell me it's bad freestyling.

Yeah, but that's the mark of a good freestyler. It rhymes, flows, and makes sense.
I'm giving him constructive criticism to be a good freestyler. Not their yet, but if you don't try, you'll never get there.

Also, lil wayne is great, you just have a bias for rap that's not old school-esque.
Upgrade U Freestyle? give it a listen, and tell me it's bad freestyling.

Sorry, but I seriously doubt thats a freestyle