I wrote this back in 7th grade i think for some contest but then i got too lazy and never entered it. tell me what you think.

Off in the distance
A patch of flowers bloom
Swaying in the gentle breeze
Awaiting their certain doom

Rooted to the ground
They are anchored in their place
No freedom, no movement
Only because a man didn’t like their race

How they long to escape
To be free of this hell
To be wanted, appreciated
To ring the freedom bell

A gust of wind picks up
Making its way toward them
Tearing up everything in its path
They begin to pray to Hashem

The wind rips them
Up out of their stable terrain
Scattering them everywhere
With much disdain

The seeds of the flowers
Disperse within the field
And eventually sprout a new generation
Which stand as one people
Spiritually and mentally healed

I totally dig the message fersure. But i dont think your imagery was strong enough...it was somewhat hollow? for lack of better words. But i think it has some serious potential did you touch it up at all seeing as it was from 7th grade?

^nope. that was word for word what it was back then. i was bored last night and looking through old documents on my computer and found it. but do you have any idea what its about?

Ah i bet if you were to revise and re-edit you could improve it heaps.


I translated it as America being the place for dreams and opportunities.
When really ignorance stands in the way of those things. And how there is a new hope for this upcoming generation despite the intolerance and prejudices people continue to recieve.

^thanks for your reply. i can totally see how you could interpret it that way but that isn't what i wrote it about :D

Ah then by all means what was it about?

the holocaust.